WHY NICE GUYS FINISH LAST

I had a call with a client last week who was facing the dilemma of wanting to Lead with confidence, while keeping deep relationships with his employees.
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Specifically, do what he knew was right, even if it would rock the boat with employees.
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He feared that if he didn’t listen to the opinions of his employees it would hurt the relationship.
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​This is classic Nice Guy shit - so afraid to rock the boat or upset others that you walk on eggshells and abandon your own boundaries.
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Internally you think “If they are happy, they will like me and do a good job.”

Unfortunately “like-ability” can’t be the top priority as a Changemaking Leader. And there’s a difference between being liked and being respected.
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This reminds me of my 6th grade History class. My best friend’s Uncle had just graduated college and became our teacher.

He was the COOLEST.
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The first month of school we goofed off, made jokes with him and basically got no meaningful work done.
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He was our friend, not our teacher, and had no control of the class.

All too quickly realizing he made a mistake.

After being the “Nice Teacher” he flipped the switch and turned into a strict dictator.

We went from having a great time to being told to be quiet, listen and do what he said - a confronting change to say the least.

Because of how the relationship started, we rebelled. And it led to him throwing out detentions like beads at a Mardi Gras parade.

The lesson here is that we really only liked him because he let us do whatever we wanted, but we didn’t respect him.

Our relationship was hurt because he didn’t have boundaries to begin with and then had to overcorrect, which didn’t feel good to us.

He wasn’t being authentic.

I shared this story with my client because it’s important to note…

If you only do something so others will like you - it’s manipulation.
If someone only likes you because they do what you want - it’s manipulation.

While on the surface it may feel like a “good” relationship because it’s agreeable, there’s no depth or integrity.

The same is true in relationships.

Imagine dating someone who did whatever you wanted at all times.

They listened to every request, always prioritized your needs and self abandoned when you got upset.

You might enjoy it at first, but it would quickly become unattractive and depolarizing.

Safe to say that you would exit that relationship immediately.

This is how most leaders are showing up.

They think being the nice guy who listens to their employees is building trust and getting respect.

If they prioritize their partner's needs it will create more love.

When really they are just people pleasers who will get walked all over.

The jobs won’t get done and employees won’t respect you.

Your partner will lose trust and attraction.

And you’ll fall into this hamster wheel of frustration, stress and endless self doubt.

To take the leadership training wheels off and truly become a Changemaker, you’ve got to learn to say ‘No’, with firm and loving boundaries.

It’s the difference between being a Nice Leader and a Good Leader.

They think they like the nice leader, but they won’t trust him.
They may not always agree with the Good Leader, but they will respect him.

Being a Changemaker is about following your convictions, communicating effectively and allowing others to feel heard.

IMPORTANT Disclaimer here: Feeling heard is not the same as doing what other people say.

The Changemaker listens, validates and holds space for his people.

He says:
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“It makes sense you are frustrated you have to work late to meet the deadline.”
“You make valid points that we could have planned better for this.”
“I understand why you would be upset I’m not going to your parents for dinner”

And this is really all most people care about.

When you genuinely validate someone’s experience they will respect and trust you more even if you go against their wishes.

The Nice Guy finishes last because he’s not trustable.

We need Leaders with a spine, who can draw their line in the sand.

And do so with thoughtfulness, and an open heart.

So if you’ve been stuck in the same shitty relationships, getting passed up for the promotion at work or constantly in this cycle of fear it’s time to retire from the Nice Guy act.

The world is craving for you to Lead from your Authenticity.

If you’re wondering where to start, I’m opening the doors to THE PACK, my Men’s Leadership Mastermind - for a limited time.

This is the community and teachings that will transform you from the Nice Guy to a confident Changemaker.

Limited spots available.
Doors close at the end of February.

You can book a free discovery call HERE to see if it’s a good fit.

Much love,
Taylor

Taylor Sleaford Life, Leadership & Men's Work Coach

↠ What do I do? I work 1:1 with Men & Women guiding them personally, spiritually and professionally to be their most authentic, loving and powerful self. I also lead group programs for men. Learn more HERE​

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