He showed up to our call exhausted and desperate. It's been 4 months since he started this new management role where he has shifted from "player" to "coach" in his company and it's been like drinking from a water hose trying to meet all the demands.

Not only does he have his own responsibilities, but now he has an army of people wanting his time, opinion and answers. It's like a brood of baby birds chirpy loudly in his ears until they get fed.

In my clients scenario, it's like they never get full. He can't escape the pressure.

After sharing the intimate struggles of his new life he said: "I feel out of control".

It make sense and something I see all too common. He went from focusing on his tasks and to do list, to now managing a group of people where the messages never seem to slow down. His biggest struggle is feeling pulled in a million directions unexpectedly.

This is the mistake most leaders make.

A client, employee or family member reaches out and they feel a duty to say yes. Answering the call, listening to their problems and solving everyone's issues before their own.

This leaves them depleted, bitter and exhausted.

All because they confused their availability for their free time.

For some reason our culture has taught us that just because there is space in our calendar it means we have to say "yes" to any request in our life. We think we need a worthwhile reason to say no.

The truth is that the word 'no' is a full sentence.

This is actually boundary setting 101, but the reason people struggle is we are talking energetic boundaries which is much more elusive for most people. You may not have the mental or emotional capacity to answer the phone, help solve an issue or listen to someone. It's honoring yourself and the other to say no or propose a different time to talk.

My client has been letting his free time get hijacked because he misunderstood that for being the same as his availability.

It's not selfish to turn off your phone or email so you can spend an hour in deep work.
It's not rude to tell your family member you don't have the bandwidth to hold space for them after a busy workweek.

When you start to have a clear demarcation between your availability and your free time you will ACTUALLY be more effective, rested and a better leader.

If you could use help setting and communicating your own boundaries I am currently taking on a few 1:1 clients - reply to this email with the word LEADER to learn more.

Much love,

Taylor

Taylor Sleaford Life, Leadership & Men's Work Coach

↠ What do I do? I work 1:1 with Men & Women guiding them personally, spiritually and professionally to be their most authentic, loving and powerful self. I also lead group programs for men. Learn more HERE​

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